where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
