why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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