I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
