Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
