When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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