Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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