Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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