And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Randomize
