at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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