I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
