nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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