Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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