just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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