...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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