Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
