dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
