even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize