things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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