there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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