Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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