I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
