After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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