put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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