How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
