Is it normal to miss your booty call?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
