I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
