If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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