This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
