We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
