We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize