Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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