So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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