I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
