forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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