He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
