I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
