The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
