the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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