Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
