I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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