Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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