I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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