My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
