i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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