Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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