I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
