Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All I want is dick and wine.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
