Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
