i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
