i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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