Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
