you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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