Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
