i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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