She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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