so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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