im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize