Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
