I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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