bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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