Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
