I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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