so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
