Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize