Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize