So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
