Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
