Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my being single is dangerous.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
