Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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