it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
