The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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