Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
