Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
