I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
