Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
