theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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