the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
