I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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