just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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