You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
