a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
