i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
