non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
