Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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