My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize