You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
