this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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