Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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