you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I want to be your penis for a week.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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