where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
