You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
