stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
